I was on my neurology placement and I was allocated a pt that had a dense (R) MCA CVA. The pt was 91 and had an extensive list of co-morbidities. On the initial day I assessed him, it seemed like his outcome was going to be positive despite the extent of the stroke and his medical background. With this he was referred onto the rehabilitation wards. The pt was dysphasic and had bilateral deafness more so in his (L) ear than (R). However despite these limitations we were able to communicate via utilizing simple questions and hand gestures. He was a very determined man and was always eager for PT Rx.
Over the weekend he went into heart failure and the outcome was not looking good. On the Thursday proceeding I went in to see the pt and he did not look well evident by his obs chart and the change in his breathing pattern. The pt c/o pain of his (R) upper traps being very sore, so I begun to rub them for him whilst I begun to realised that he was not going to be around for much longer. I have had no first hand experience with death and I find this to be a very saddening, emotional topic. I started to get sad and I felt like I had to leave the room because I couldn’t handle the emotions. However at the same time the momentary relief that I was providing for him kept me there. At the end I smiled to the pt and held his hand and said ‘thanks pt’s name, I’ll see you tomorrow’. He smiled back and I left.
The next morning before the handovers begun I had this strange feeling about the pt and really questioned if he was still alive. I begun to get nervous and anxious looking down the ward list and when I failed to locate his name I ask the PT. She informed me that he had died early this morning. I felt empty and just kept telling myself that he was no longer suffering. I did not show any emotion to the other staff; however they were very supportive and asked if I was ok.
DESPITE THE SAD LOSS OF THIS PERSON, I BELIEVE THAT IT MADE ME WAKEN TO THE FACT THAT I WILL ENCOUNTER PTS WHO WILL DIE AND IT IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH. DUE TO IT BEING SUCH AN ISUUE FOR ME, IF THERE IS A NECT TIME THAT I ENCOUNTER THIS I WILL ACCEPT THAT IT IS A NATURAL COURSE OF LIFE. UNFORTUNATELY IT IS ALOS SOMETHING THAT IS APART OF OUR CHOSEN CAREERS.
2 comments:
It's sad knowing if a pt is to die soon, or finding out their prognosis is not good. Is it just me or do pts stick in your head once you have left a placement?
This blog reminds me of my first experience with a patient who died while I had been treating her earlier. Following my cardio physio treatment this patient went into AF and died. This too made me and the physio I was working with feel quite emotional as it felt like we had somehow contributed to her death. However, we must accept that death is going to be common in acute physio settings.
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